“Why are you so nice to me?”
A possible answer.
Last night, mid-conversation, my brother told me about a friend of his who had asked him, “Why are you so nice to me?” and I winced. Because not more than a month ago I had asked the same question to a friend of mine. I have, in fact, asked this question to different people over the years, the people I have dated, the people I have almost dated, and friends. I have never come across a satisfactory answer; most people either smiled or made an awkward compliment. My friend, however, gave me such a straightforward and honest answer that it left me contemplating for days, and for which I am extremely grateful. He said, “It’s because we are friends and friends are nice to each other.” I started to analyse his answer and, more importantly, the question itself. It took me a while to see through the haze of low self-worth to realise what the question actually meant. It was almost like I was saying I do not deserve to be treated well. That was a painful realisation.
So, when my brother told me about his friend asking him the same question using the same words, I thought maybe I could share my friend’s answer, or rather the amalgam of his answer and my analysis, with anyone struggling with a similar question.
For anyone who has ever asked, “Why are you so nice to me,” I don’t claim to wash away your years of self-doubt and low self-worth with a single article, but I hope I can give you a glimpse into a possible answer. They are nice to you because you deserve to be treated nicely, and the people who care about you treat you nicely. And if they are not, maybe you need to look for people who will.
